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Our experience of working with clients with anxiety has shown how a lot of it is driven by an underlying core belief that they have about themselves.
In this post we're going to explore what a core belief is, how it links with anxiety, and look at getting to the bottom of your core belief.
A core belief is a 'global label' which you may have developed over time or from just a few events. It might be something like:
A core belief effectively labels you in all areas of your life, even though it may have been triggered by one, or a few, particular events. For example, if you don't get the grades you want in your exams you may label yourself with the core belief of being a failure. That can be extremely detrimental to your well-being.
Another problem with core beliefs is that they impact on the way you perceive people and situations. Like a pair of glasses, the core belief is like the lens through which you see and relate to the world.
This means that, people/events that support your core belief are absorbed and taken on board, but things which contradict your core belief are pretty much dismissed.
For example, you go for a job interview and come out of it convinced that you've mucked up. Let's assume you have the core belief of "I'm not good enough".
Outcome 1: The prospective employer rings you and says you didn't get the job on this occasion. You're disappointed and beat yourself up, but feel this outcome was inevitable because you already believed you weren't "good enough".
Outcome 2: You're contacted and told you got the job. You're pleased, but you start to have thoughts that the employer gave you the job by mistake. You doubt your ability do the job, and are convinced that you don't deserve to be offered the role. This is all because you being offered the role conflicts with your core belief of "I'm not good enough".
There's a technique you can use called the Downward Arrow Technique. What you need to do is to think of a situation which triggered some negative thoughts, write down the situation together with the negative thoughts that came into your mind at that time.
When we ask clients what their thoughts were, a lot tend to name the feelings that came up for them. We think this is because it's easier to identify the feelings more readily because our thoughts are often so automatic that we don't notice what they are. However, for the Downward Arrow Technique we need to consider the thoughts that arise from a situation.
We'll use the job offer example above. We already know the core belief, but we'll just use the scenario as an example and work our way down from there.
When you were offered the job, you may have had negative thoughts such as:
We need to pick just one of the negative thoughts in order to do the Downward Arrow Technique. For this scenario, we'll pick the negative thought of: "They only offered me the job because no one else wanted it".
We'll work through the Downward Arrow Technique which involves starting with the negative thought, and continually questioning it (in italics):
"They only offered me the job because no one else wanted it". So, what if that were true, what would that mean?
"It would mean they must have been desperate to fill the job". If that were the case, what would that mean?
"Well, it would mean they didn't care who they gave the job to". What if that was correct, what would that mean?
"It would mean they're willing to take on anyone to do the job". If that were true, what would that mean?
"Well, they'd probably realise later on that I can't do the job". If that were the case, what would that mean?
"They'd wonder why they took me on". What if that was correct, what would that mean?
"They'd probably get rid of me because I'm not good enough for the job". If that were true, what would that mean?
"It would mean I'm not good enough for the job". If that were the case, what would that mean?
"I'm not good enough" (Core belief)
As the example shows, you just keep working down using similar statements until you reach what feels like a core belief. Bear in mind this is a very "neat" example, and sometimes it can take more (or less) time, and a bit more questioning to reach the core belief.
Now, give it a go with a real-life scenario and see how you get on.
Now that you have a better idea of your core belief, the next step is to challenge how true it actually is. We know we've said it before, but we'll say it again to make the point; we tend to view thoughts and beliefs as facts when they are, in fact, subjective.
We'll show you how to can challenge your core belief in the next blog post. See you then!
We tend to put other people's needs and wants first, but we rarely seem to find the time to look after our own. Life can be stressful, so it's important that we use self-care for better mental wellbeing.
So, what sorts of things can we do to show ourselves a bit of self-care?
This is probably one of the hardest things for people to do. Do you find that you say "yes" to things when you really don't want to? Why do you think you say "yes"? Is it to please people? Is it for fear of offending them?
The problem with constantly saying "yes", is that we end up putting off the things we really want to do. We end up neglecting ourselves and our needs, just to please others.
Try to be more selective in who/what you say "yes" to. If someone isn't happy that you've said "no", then they'll no doubt find someone else who'll help them out. The bottom line is, if you're a serial "yes" person then it might be time to use the word "no" more often so that you have more time to focus on the things that are important to you.
Unfortunately, there are people in this world that love nothing more than to drag others down. Perhaps they cannot congratulate other people on their achievements as they end up questioning their own. Maybe seeing other people happy highlights to them how unhappy they are.
Whatever is going on for these people is their issue, and something they'll need to look inside of themselves to resolve. Be proud of your achievements, don't let others put you down. If you find that certain people add nothing positive to your life it might be time to surround yourself with people who are "in your corner".
Perhaps you're the sort of person who likes to be busy, but at what point do you say "enough is enough"?
As much as you might like to get your teeth into new projects, don't rush in. Take your time to decide whether you have the capacity to add to your workload. This might not necessarily relate to your job, but to things in your personal life (e.g., decorating the house, a new volunteering role). Be realistic about the time you can give and don't over-stretch yourself!
Even if it's 30 minutes a day, make some time for you! It might consist of having a relaxing bath, reading a book, or lighting some candles and putting on some chilled out music. Perhaps you like meditation, or yoga? Maybe you like dancing round the living room to your favourite band, or playing your favourite computer game. Whatever you do for those precious minutes each day, do whatever works for you.
Just remember, if you're not looking after yourself then you'll be in less of a good place to help those around you. When it comes to your mental wellbeing, it really is best to start with yourself because then everyone else around you will benefit.
How do you look after your mental wellbeing? Let us know in the comments!
Watch our video on self-care strategies